My Name is Tia Halibel and I Will Remain Single
by Setus
Summary: My name is Tia Halibel and my Fraccion once asked me if any of the Espadas have caught my eye. While they are definately a change from the masked creatures roaming out there, I have no doubts that I will remain single. Here's why.


It's been ages since I wrote, and inspired by Seriously Yours' fics, and Fridge Notes by Luckystars 135. Have fun

Disclaimer: you don't see my name in the credits of Bleach anywhere, so I'm sure you get the idea

* * *

><p><strong>I am Tia Halibel and I will remain single<strong>

My name is Tia Halibel and I live in Hueco Mundo, known for its very biased attitude towards the female gender in almost every aspect, and for a feminist like me it has been on the borderline of unbearable for as long as I can remember. My fraccion asked me once the reason why my attitude towards the male community has been so. All I did was to send Mira-Rose out for a walk, and she returned with smoking fists and a steaming head, all the time yelling what she will do to their anatomy the next time she sees them. I believe I have made my point.

After moving into Las Noches, with better defense for me and my girls against the apparently all-male spirit-particle sucking creatures out there, particularly also seeing more humanoid figures gather in one place than in my entire life time, my fraccion started asking the opposite question.

"Halibel-sama, has anyone caught your eye?"

I believe that question is to be interpreted in a figurative sense, because I still have both eyes intact. Fraccions and other mercenaries aside, I can only think that question was in reference to the Espadas. Just the other day, I saw Mira-Rose poking her head out the corner corridor to steal a glance at Grimmjow making a turn, and Sun-Sun seems to have developed stalker-like tendencies towards Ulquiorra. As for Apache, it is clear as the skies of Hueco Mundo each time she has a crush.

My answer to that question was merely a formal dismissal, but I did give the subject a few more thoughts. Despite leading a significantly better life now and seeing sights that are more pleasing to anyone's eyes, I will remain single.

Why, you ask? Allow me to explain. Let's start, with number 1.

Primera Espada Coyote Stark. I cannot imagine me standing anywhere near him because the man is pedophilic. I admit we live in a void world and that the female population is practically non-existence. Of all things to split his powers into, he chose a female child. And the things he does to her when they are in Resurraccion form? Unmentionable. From a feminist stand point this is blasphemy. If it was not because of my beliefs of killing and possibility the reason for the difference in our numbers, I would have fed him to his wolves.

Segunda Espada Baraggan Luisenbarn. If there's one thing that I don't miss about the outside life, it has to be seeing abnormally-masked creatures every single day. If you have seen Baraggan before he became an Espada, or whenever he goes into Resurraccion mode, you will undoubtedly crown him a God, just like everyone else, the God of Abnormality that is. We have had dealings in the past, and even though we have agreed to let bygones be bygones, the fact that he has little respect for women ranks him Segunda on my list of Ineligible Bachelors. Besides, there are still many things I want to do before I want to see wrinkles on my face, so that is another strike.

Skipping Tres, we have Cuarto Espada Ulquiorra Schiffer. Despite sharing my attitudes towards violence and fights, I have my standards, and will not date anyone who is, or at least, looks younger than I am, in my efforts of not replicating what Primera Espada is doing. Also, portraying a shadowy melancholic prince may have worked for some of those higher in position, but it certainly isn't getting anywhere as far as the female community here is concerned.

Quinto Espada Nnoitora Gilga. This is the perfect personification of the degree of biasness in Hueco Mundo against females that I was talking about. But it is not so much of his firm beliefs of male chauvinism that is deterring me from dating this man. Simply because, I do not date insects. They have far too many hands.

Sexta Espada Grimmjow Jaegerjaques, the exact opposite of everything I lived to represent. He thinks he is a King, he kills, he ... While time is a concept that does not really exist in Hueco Mundo given that the moon is there eternally shining, I believe allotting immense amount of time to styling of hair and putting on eye makeup is an example of wasting time. For that I am glad to say that opposites, in this case, did not attract, and I'm happy to leave it at that.

Septima Espada Zommari Rureaux. Alongside with my reservations for Quinto Espada due to the fact that he has far too many hands, Zommari happens to have a further more too many eyes. Sometimes even without his Resurraccion, I wonder why it feels as though I'm being watched, despite the paranormal environment we are already in. Now, that is sexual harassment. Once again, if it weren't for my beliefs he would be feeling his way around Las Noches with his bare hands until Tosen-sama teaches him how to navigate by spirit particles.

Octava Espada Szayel Aporro Grantz is the kind of person you will quote while explaining the idiom 'never judge a book by its cover'. In a negative kind of way. As metrosexual as Sexta on the outside, Szayel is nothing but psychotic underneath. I have a lot of things to worry about already, and dating people with mental illness is an item that I don't need and will never need.

Noveno Espada Aaroniero Arruruerie is one person, or rather two persons until now I have yet to identify what they are. How do you date two beings in a portable capsule? I don't even know if they are female or male.

Diez Espada Yammy Riyalgo. I believe something went array in the creation of Yammy. It is unfathomable sometimes, the things he says and does, and I'm left with the question as to whether Aizen-sama did give him a brain or not, to comprehend what he does, and also to control the volume of his voice.

As you may see the Espadas excluding myself consist of a number of Arrancars whom I have a hard time understanding and the rest whom I preferred to have cease existence. I am most certain that despite not answering my fraccion's questions, I have a definite answer. I will remain single, as far as my life in Hueco Mundo is concerned.

Unless of course, I somehow make it to Soul Society without this mask.

* * *

><p>Thanks for reading. Hope you've enjoyed it :) Please R&amp;R<p> 


End file.
